


Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

by springburn



Series: The Thick of It mini-fics [37]
Category: The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Explicit Language, F/M, Family Feels, Humour, fun times, married love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-05
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-04-30 04:01:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5149532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springburn/pseuds/springburn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas morning at the Tucker House.....and it's early......too fucking early....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is for @jenthewiscofangirl 
> 
> It was her suggestion on tumblr that inspired it. 
> 
> I very much wanted this story to be a fun and humorous one.  
> We know Malcolm has an acerbic wit and I'm sure he has a wicked sense of humour, Jamie likewise, the dour Scots exterior hides a marshmallow.....I'm sure of it!!

HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS. 

It was very early.  
Too fucking early.  
Malcolm had been up till half past two, waiting until he was completely sure the little buggers were actually asleep, and not pretending.  
Before creeping in, depositing presents and creeping out again.  
The magic of childhood.  
Belief.  
The wonder, that was what he enjoyed most.

As a kid he remembered that frisson of excitement.  
He and Nancy putting out a pillow case.  
They didn't get a lot.  
There wasn't the money then.  
But it didn't dampen the anticipation one jot.  
Malcolm remembered the tangerine and nuts in the bottom, for each of them, chocolate coins in a little net bag, a cowboy cap gun and holster, a baby doll for Nance, their mother had knitted a layette for it, Ruby......she called it, had that bloody doll for yonks, till all its hair fell out.  
One year a painting set, that'd had been his best present ever.  
That painting set lasted him years too. Brushes and a palette......he would go to the local newsagent and scrounge plain paper, anything he could use to paint and draw on. If he had a meagre talent at anything, it was that.  
He loved it. Still did. 

Now it was different, even at his kids young age, there was so much expectation.  
Malcolm was far better off than his parents had ever been in their lifetime.  
The trick was not to overdo it.  
He didn't want spoilt brats who had every fucking thing they wanted.  
That was too easy.  
They were already awake.......he could hear their little squeaking voices.  
Grace was in with her brothers, loud whispering.  
"He's been!"  
He heard Jamie leading his brother and sister, creeping downstairs, to see if the mince pie had been eaten, and the sherry drunk. Had Rudolph had his carrot?  
Listening to their squeals when they found the boot prints in talcum powder that he'd made by the hearth.  
Soft idiot that he was.  
Then they were at the bedroom door, hopping from one foot to the other.  
"Mummy, Daddy.....are you awake? Father Christmas has been!!"  
As Sam sat up, rubbing her eyes sleepily, three little bodies launched themselves onto their parents' bed, yells and whoops of delight as they were assailed from all sides by their eager offspring.  
Malcolm receiving a poorly aimed knee in the groin from his eldest son.  
"Oooffff! Christ! Watch it son! I don't want to be singing boy soprano in the choir!" 

Presents opened, the children disappeared off to play, leaving Malcolm and Sam alone.  
"What have you got me for Christmas Malc?"  
"Me.....naked, with my dick wrapped in tinsel!"  
Sam chuckled.  
"Ah! Santa has been good to me this year then!"  
"Well, you've been an extra good girl, so you deserve every inch of it."  
"Malcolm! It's Christmas morning! I have a turkey to stuff and put in the oven! Otherwise we'll be eating at midnight! I haven't time for nooky!"  
"Later then! I'll keep it wrapped!"  
"I'll hold you to that!" She leaned over and kissed him tenderly.  
"Merry Christmas!"  
Refusing to release her, he deepened the kiss, pressing himself against her.  
"You'd best go do turkey stuff then...."  
More kisses.  
"Well, maybe another ten minutes won't hurt."  
Malcolm grabbed her and flipped her onto her back with a growl. 

oOo

Sam was grappling with the bird, which was the size of a small labrador.  
How it ever walked on its legs God only knew.  
Would it fit in the sodding oven?  
It would be a squeeze.  
Malcolm had peeled enough potatoes to single handedly alleviate the Irish potato famine.  
And Brussels sprouts......he hated Brussels sprouts with a vicious hatred.....little green balls of death he called them.  
Christmas pudding boiling merrily on the stove, steaming up the kitchen.  
Condensation trickling down the windows.  
Delicious smells, that made you salivate.  
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was playing on the telly.......kids on the floor, surrounded by new toys, half watching it, half not.  
Jamie singing.....'you're my little choochy face', he had a good voice for a youngster.  
Malcolm laughed, joined in, as they both sang along together with Baron Bomburst. 

He and Sam were saving their gifts to each other for later. When their guests arrived.  
Soon Jamie McDonald and Ellie would be appearing, with little Jess......at three, the same age as Grace.  
Glenn and his sister, Joyce, up from Wales, Sam's brother Paul and his wife Tina.......only Malcolm's sister, her husband and his niece and nephew were missing, but the Tuckers were travelling up to Scotland for Hogmanay, so the circle would be completed then. 

As the guests started to arrive, the Buck's Fizz was poured, and there was a general air of frivolity.  
The main ingredient was laughter, the four children, disappeared off, playing happily, the two boys and the two girls.  
The adults milling about, in and out of the kitchen, munching on blinis and quaffing champagne.  
"I'm going to be drunk in charge of a dinner at this rate," Sam giggled.  
"I've got to pour a glug of brandy in with the sprouts, chestnuts and pancetta, then we're almost ready to eat."

There was a sudden shriek from the kitchen...... a whumph, and a strong smell of burning....  
"MALCOLM!! QUICK!"  
Everyone gathered in the doorway, as flames leapt up from the pan of sprouts.  
"Fucking hell Sam, are you trying to burn the place down?"  
Rushing through the assembled crowd, parting them like the Red Sea, he grabbed the pan, and holding it away from him, at arms length, so as not to lose his eyebrows, Sam threw open the patio door, and he launched the whole smoking mess out on to the lawn, pan and all.  
"Fucking good riddance!" He cried, brushing his hands together with satisfaction. He turned back into the house.  
"Frozen peas anyone!!?"  
Gales of hilarity rocked the kitchen, Jamie guffawed, almost choking with mirth,  
"Nice one Malc........beautifully done.....one fluid movement.....you could have played rugby for Scotland!" 

oOo

After eating, and because everyone was far too stuffed to move or do anything other than veg out for an hour, they exchanged presents.  
Malcolm gave Jamie an Al Jolson box set......everything he'd ever done, he teared up when he opened it.  
"Fuck! Mate! Best fucking present ever! Fuck......I'm overcome!"  
"Stupid soft cunt.....! You're not fucking playing it while you're here, so don't even think about it!"  
Glenn, received a large box, and spent ages trying to open it without tearing the paper.  
"Just fucking rip it you twat......if I get a present next year wrapped in that paper, I'll stick it up your shitter!"  
It was a desk lamp.  
Malcolm and Jamie, creased up.......as Glenn held it aloft. Grinning from ear to ear.  
"Yay......Glenn......you can lamp someone with that bugger......right enough!!"  
Next it was Malcolm's turn.....Jamie got him a bottle of Glendronach 18 year old Single Malt Scotch and a big fat Cuban cigar in a metal tube.  
"Oh, boy! We're cracking this fucker open later, by God.....thanks brither!"  
"If you're going to smoke that foul thing, you can go down to the bottom of the garden!" Sam laughed.  
"Hey.....I haven't given you your present yet!"  
"No.....me first!" Sam said hurriedly, and handed Malcolm a parcel.  
He opened it, slowly, while everyone watched, face flushed pink, almost coy, like a small boy.  
It was a leather bound first edition of Sir Walter Scott's Rob Roy, which had been Malcolm's favourite book as a child.  
"Wait till I show Nance this, next week!" He whispered, "she'll cry......I had this book, we read it together, over and over. Thanks Sam......thanks so much.....it's so special!"  
He turned away quickly, clapping his hands together to deflect from his emotion.  
"Here's yours!" He said, quietly......" open it!"  
Sam looked into her husband's beaming face, as she took the parcel from him, and began to unwrap it.  
It was an album.  
Pictures from their five years together, carefully chosen. At the end were photos of himself and the three children, which he'd had taken secretly.  
The fact that he'd gone to the trouble of gathering the kids together, to take them to a photographic studio, all without anyone knowing, was what did it for Sam.  
None of the little ones let the cat out of the bag. Not even Grace.  
Her arms went around her husband's neck, eyes shining. She hugged him tight.  
"I love you husband!" She whispered.  
"Happy Christmas Sam!"  
"For fucks sake, you two......put him down Sam.....or go get a room......"  
Sam turned to the assembled company, smiling, but her eyes brimming.  
"Time for some games I think!" She cried, clasping Malcolm's hands.  
"Not till after the Queen's Speech." Retorted Glenn. "It's tradition, we have to watch it."  
The television was dutifully switched on.  
Glenn remained standing throughout.  
Jamie made a flippant comment about staging a Jacobite uprising.  
Malcolm and Sam and the rest tittered like children, as Glenn frowned, with mock annoyance. 

oOo

"I fucking hate playing games!" Malcolm did an eye roll.  
"Tough. You're playing. And as you moaned, you can go first."  
They gathered in the lounge, a raucous, well oiled audience.  
As Malcolm stood in front of them all, and began the mime, they watched with rapt attention.  
"Film! Four words!"  
Everyone shouted out their ideas.  
"Second and third words......"  
"AND."  
"THE."  
"Something.....and the......something."  
Glenn's sister yelled,  
"Teaser and the Firecat!"  
"What the fuck?" Jamie cried.  
"Joyce, are you pished? That's a fucking album......by Cat Stevens, and it's from the sodding seventies....and it's got fuck all to do with what he's acting out!"  
Shrieks of laughter.  
"Fourth word......"  
"Monster? Ogre? What the hell is the snarling bit? Malc, you're fucking shite at this."  
Malcolm huffed.  
"I'm nae fucking shite.....you lot are just tossers!"  
"Right.....fucking first word....."  
"You're not supposed to speak, Malc!"  
"Well, I'm not having a great deal of success with the mime, am I? Now all pipe down.....first word."  
"Pretty? Oh.....I know.......model?"  
"Yeah, that's right Tina.....it's Model and the Monster.....fucking well done!"  
He rolled his eyes again.  
Sam suddenly jumped up, pointing.....  
"Beauty and the Beast!!!!"  
"Hoo-fucking-ray!! At last!" Malcolm plonked down on the sofa.  
"Fuck Malc.....you could just have pointed to Sam, then yourself......would have been a hell of a lot easier!!" 

oOo

The children reappeared in the doorway......four innocent little faces.  
"We've got a present for daddy!"  
Malcolm glanced at Sam, who was smiling, her face shining with a mixture of alcohol, pride in her brood, and love.  
He grabbed all three, hugging them to him.  
"Grrrrrr! Come on then my little weans! Where's this present?"  
It was young Jamie who stepped forwards, parcel in hand.  
Malcolm ripped the present open with a flourish.  
It was an iPad Pro. The latest tablet.  
"Oh god....you've bought me tech!! For Christmas! Remember what happened last year with the E-Reader?"  
Sam started laughing, holding her sides.....  
"Let us in on the joke.....what happened?" Jamie queried.  
"Um.......well, Malcolm was just a tiny weeny bit upset!"  
"Fuck off!" Malcolm scowled.  
"In fact.....he couldn't get it to work......and it all got a tad pressured and bit teary."  
Malcolm launched himself at his wife, tickling her ribs, growling like a bear.  
She shrieked but kept talking, as the others, including the children, fell about laughing.  
"He got......agh.......so upset, that he almost started......eek, get off.......CRYING!!"  
She finished her sentence and Malcolm gave up.  
"Kids.....that is the most fantastic gift.......but daddy's going to put it aside until tomorrow, when we're ON OUR OWN!!" He said pointedly glaring at his assembled company, all of whom were still chuckling.  
"Malcolm.....your best bollocking face.....I'd almost forgotten it.....hahahahaha!" Jamie was in fits. 

oOo

It was almost two in the morning before the guests made their way home.  
The children, exhausted, flopped into bed, some hours previously, to sleep soundly.  
By the time Sam came upstairs, Malcolm was already tucked into bed.  
"What a lovely day!" She yawned expansively.  
"And it's not over yet!" Her husband replied.  
She turned to look at him as he lay there, a smirk on his face.  
"What do you mean?" She queried, with a puzzled expression.  
He cocked her a wicked wink.....and lifted up the duvet.  
Under the covers he was completely naked, with his erect prick wrapped in tinsel!! 

"Happy Christmas darling!" 

 

Fin.


End file.
